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R.I.P.

15 Dec

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I am just now posting this, but I wrote this last Friday…

So today I am trying to prepare myself for what’s ahead. My Great-Aunt’s funeral. My family is still trying to get a a grip on this sad event. As mature individuals, we are always aware that death is inevitable. But we are not always aware of its possibility. That is until we are faced with it.

Losing people you love causes grief. My grief is a mixture of guilt, sadness, and anger.
I am guilty for all if the things I did not do and all of the time I took for granted. We put off so many things for the next day, week, or specific  time, but death doesn’t adjust to our schedules.
I am sad because if our loss. I’m sad that a member of our family is gone from this Earth forever. And yes, I know that I could tell myself that she is gone to a better place, but the problem with that is, I don’t know that place! I’ve never been there. I believe in Heaven, but I’m still here on Earth and will never share a conversation or a meal with her again.
I’m angry because I didn’t do all if the things I should have done. All of the warning signs were there, and I still chose NOT to visit or call, and kept saying I would do it later.
I can beat myself up all day, and it still won’t change anything! I’m even more angry at nature itself. I can’t understand death, and neither do I want to. I don’t think I will ever understand or accept the fact that the people I love will not always be here, and that is what upsets me more than anything.
This is why the present moment is so important.
How are you using your present?
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Posted by on December 15, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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